progress – Page 4 – Lena Corazon

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ROW80: Respite, Interrupted

In my last update I celebrated the vanquishing of my to-do list, and declared my plan to be completely sloth-like and lazy for the rest of September. That goal was thrown off by paper edits, unexpected social time, and a few emotional twists and turns (nothing terrible, just draining), but I did get a chance to just unwind Friday night and all day Saturday. I snagged a copy of season 1 of CSI from Target for ten bucks, and have been happily binging on all my favorite episodes, not to mention reliving my old high school fantasies of becoming a forensic profiler. 😛

Better yet, I finished season 3 of Supernatural, read CC MacKenzie’s steamy and delicious RECKLESS NIGHTS IN ROME, finished Lindsay Buroker’s latest novel in the Emperor’s Edge Universe, BLOOD AND BETRAYAL, and am half-way through Lois McMaster Bujold‘s THE HALLOWED HUNT, the third book in her Chalion series. There is nothing like reading and devouring fun television shows to restore my peace of mind.

Here’s how the rest of the week has gone:

Day Job: Edits to my papers have been completed, the mini-proposal for my “little conversation” has been sent off to my committee, and I have all of my paperwork in order (I hope). Once Monday’s meeting is through, I have a list of books I’d like to read for research purposes, but I plan on waiting until I’ve put a decent dent in my Kindle TBR list.

Writing: Managed about 3k or so in the last few days, but nothing approaching Fast Draft status. Little bitty ideas for edits to my CampNaNo novel have been swirling around as well, though I haven’t really had a chance to do much about them. I’m postponing most writing-related things to next week, or maybe the week after, as I have house guests slated to arrive next weekend.

Exercise: Mom and I walked 4 days this week, for a total of 19 miles. I think this is the first time I’ve managed to make my exercise goal since this round started, so whoo!

Social Media: The latter half of the week has been pretty quiet in terms of Facebook and Twitter, though I have been trying to visit 2 or 3 blogs each day.

Even though I’ve only had a couple of days to relax, I feel vastly improved. Sunday and Monday are going to be somewhat taxing, between the drive down to Santa Barbara and my “little conversation,” but all of these things are pretty minor compared to the last couple of months worth of work (and stress, and anxiety, and all those other yucky things).

How’s the end of the round treating everyone else? Have you managed to accomplish all of your goals, or will you be deferring a few to the next round? Don’t forget to pop by and catch up with everyone else.

ROW80: In Which Lena Vanquishes Her To-Do List

September 12, 2012 / Lena Corazon / 23 Comments

Yup, you read that right. My massive summer to-do list has been conquered. Given that it’s been almost a month since my last check-in, it’s really exciting to have good news to report. Here’s the Awesome List of Success:

This is what happens when I am stressed and trying to procrastinate, and the cat decides he wants to distract me.

Day Job: I wrote my Very Big Paper, which ended up being 45 pages on the history of Catholic sisters in the United States during the nineteenth century. Next, I finished the Paper From Hell, a 16 page paper on conduct literature that included lots of social theory and more big words than you can shake a stick at. And Tuesday night I hammered out a 3.5 page dissertation mini-proposal, complete with some preliminary research questions and a tentative chapter outline. Add in the 6 hours of archival research I’ve been doing each week, and you have one very, very vanquished to-do list.

Now that all the hard work is out of the way, I can head back to Santa Barbara and meet with my dissertation committee next week for my “little conversation,” the final requirement that I need to advance to doctoral candidacy. Accomplishing that means that I’ve jumped all the institutional loopholes — coursework, papers, and all that jazz. In other words, the only thing standing between me and my PhD is the dissertation.

Writing: I didn’t get a chance to talk about this, since I’ve been stuck in the writing cave for the last few weeks, but I did end up winning Camp NaNoWriMo. STRANGE BEDFELLOWS is the poster child for the zero draft, with plotholes wider than the Grand Canyon, inconsistent characterization, and a million other problems, but I think there’s a fairly strong skeletal structure underneath it all. And, you know, it’s like 66k long, and I can’t complain about that.

For fun, and to keep up my writing momentum, I thought I’d try out my first round of Fast Drafting with a nugget of an idea that’s been nagging at me for a few months. (Yes, I am an overachiever. And yes, I am quite clearly a glutton for punishment.) I’ve fallen off the Fast Draft train over the last couple of days, derailed by migraines, the Paper From Hell, and my dissertation mini-proposal, but I am going to try to get back on track over the next day or two. Right now this little project (tentatively titled SOMEWHERE IN THE WEST) has a little over 17k — nowhere near my original goal, but still pretty awesome.

Exercise: I really fell off the wagon in terms of eating well and exercising, but my mom and I have a new plan that we have been implementing for the last couple of weeks. We are now walking 5 days a week, a minimum of 2 miles each day, and we’ve eliminated all the sweet, sugary things from the grocery list. I’m seeing a tiny difference, which will hopefully become a much larger difference in the weeks to come.

Social Media: My blog reading and commenting has been sporadic, I’ve been pretty quiet on Twitter, but I’ve been hanging out on Facebook a little more often. I’ve got a few blog posts drafted, so I might be able to start blogging again in October. This, of course, depends on whether or not I can have some time to unwind and chill out.

-oOo-

At the moment, my most immediate goal is to deal with my “little conversation” next week, and then to spend the rest of September doing nothing but gorging myself on novels, naps, and video games. I will also be carving out time to blog-hop and respond to comments, something that has been next to impossible with my brain all messy and overwhelmed, and my internal settings set to so-anxious-can’t-even-breathe.

Once again, Napoleon is my mentor in the art of leisure.

So yay! How is everyone doing? I’ve missed you all a ton! This ROWnd is winding down, but I’m hoping to wave at all my fellow ROWers in the days to come.

ROW80: Anyone Have a Time Turner I Could Borrow?

August 15, 2012 / Lena Corazon / 10 Comments

…anybody? Bueller?

August is zooming past like some crazy high-speed bullet train, and while I have some things to show for it, I would be quite grateful if it would slow down just a little bit and allow me to take a breath. Or two. Would three be too many to ask for?

I’ve been wandering around in the hangover-like daze that too much caffeine, not enough sleep, and non-stop writing can produce. I am skittish around loud noises. I avoid bright lights. I am more than a little cranky and somewhat anti-social, though of course Napoleon has remained in my good graces.

Napoleon offering his moral support.

The upside to all of this is that I have successfully banished the Doubt Monster using the soon-to-be-patented Doubt Monster Defense System ™. In case you would like to create one of your own, you will need the following supplies:

Glitter bazooka, 1

Bubble gun, 1

Photos of cute animals (like this puppy dressed as a lobster), unlimited

The result? The Doubt Monster’s pure and utter ruin, as Lauren Garafalo proclaims:

So I can happily say that I have words in my head, which is a welcome improvement from the yucky bout of writers’ block with which I was contending at the beginning of the month. But there are not enough words, or I am not writing them down fast enough, or time is passing far too quickly for me to finish… It is complex.

At any rate, here’s what I’ve accomplished since the last check-in:

Day Job: I finally finished my Very Very Large Paper, otherwise known as the “comprehensive exam,” one of two requirements needed to advance to doctoral candidacy. This was a revision of a previous paper I wrote on the history of Catholic women religious in 19th century America. There was lots of editing, lots of rearranging and rewriting, and I am happy to say that the final product was about 41 pages, as compared to the original 27. Still waiting on feedback from my committee, but I have my fingers crossed that it will be positive.

I have another, much smaller paper, to complete by the weekend. Have I touched it? No. Instead I have been obsessing over my dissertation research, which is taking me into the archives of a half-dozen religious communities in the Bay Area. The highlight of the past few days has been seeing the historical annals of the Sisters of Mercy, dated 1854-1885, written in the hand of Mother Mary Baptist Russell herself. Russell led a small group of 6 sisters from Ireland to San Francisco in 1854, where they started countless social services, including the first private-run hospital in San Francisco. These archives are located on the campus of my old high school, so getting a chance to dig into this old history is exciting on both a scholarly and a personal level.

This week’s goal: Finishing the dreaded paper; typing up and organizing all my handwritten notes; working through the never-ending stack of reading on my shelves.

Writing: The day job has taken precedence over my CampNaNo goals, but I am slowly but surely catching up. I’ve written almost 10K in the last week, bringing me up to a little over 13K for the project. If I haul butt and write 2171 words each day, I’ll be able to finish out the month with 50K… we’ll see how that goes. Since I’m participating as a NaNo Rebel this round, the total count for STRANGE BEDFELLOWS is actually 28K, which isn’t too shabby.

This week’s goal: 2171 words each day, every day. *feels breathless just thinking about it*

Social Media: I’ve been lurking around the blogosphere for the last few days, reading and commenting on blogs when I have a spare minute. And I started drafting a few blog posts, including my first-ever book review. Now all I have to do is find some time to type them up (seriously, is there a time turner in the house?!).

This week’s goal: More blog reading/commenting. More tweeting. Polish up the book review to post next week.

Exercise: I’ve been averaging 2-3 days worth of exercise each week, which is still down from my goal of 4-5 days, but least I’m moving. I may have developed a really terrible habit of stashing mini peanut butter cups in my desk drawer. And, um, maybe almond biscotti? Also whole wheat saltines. I may have to work on cutting back… *twiddles thumbs, looks around innocently*

This week’s goal: At least 2 more workout days, more salads, fewer peanut butter cups.

Whew, and that’s it for the moment! I am looking forward to mid-September, when I advance to candidacy and can cool it a little with all the paper-writing. In the meantime, I hope everyone’s having a great week! Don’t forget to visit all the other brilliant ROWers here!

ROW80: Embracing New Beginnings, and Banishing the Doubt Monster

July 31, 2012 / Lena Corazon / 17 Comments

If I had a brain scan taken right now, I think it would resemble one of those houses on an episode of Hoarders: piled high with junk, all discombobulated, disorganized, and frightening. July has sped past me with all the zipping and zooming of a bullet train, and I’m not quite sure when I have to show for it.

A photo from one of my fun day trips: The Golden Gate Bridge as seen from Marin. (Photo taken by the author)

One of the causes of this mental disorganization of course stems from the craziness of moving and settling back in. I’ve adjusted to being home with family fairly easily — maybe a little too easily. There have been all sorts of lunches and dinners out, day trips to fun places, and other activities and outings going on. All this social time has been wonderful, but it’s been eating away at my quiet time. As many of you introverts will know, that quiet time is darned essential, and so I need to do a better job at setting boundaries for myself.

To make things even better, the Doubt Monster has been lurking around for the last few weeks, accompanied by his cronies Irrational Fear and Angst. This means that writing, both creative and academic, has been an agonizing process. Words are wrangled onto the page with back-breaking effort, most of them get deleted, then replaced with approximately the same level of pain. My rapidly approaching (and expiring) deadlines have done little to kick my butt into gear, which in turn brings back the Doubt Monster in all his wonderfully doubting glory, and the cycle begins again.

But it is August 1st! This means that it is time for renewed energy and new beginnings. Better yet, I have decided that it is time to banish the Doubt Monster and his posse into some galaxy far, far away so that I can clean up my mental house and get things in order.

August 1st is also the start of CampNaNoWriMo, which I (of course) decided to tackle in a moment of wild idiocy (supreme overconfidence?). I toyed with the idea of pulling out, but part of me thinks that the forced focus might actually be good for me. To make my life a little easier, I’ll be working on STRANGE BEDFELLOWS, my somewhat-erotic romance that is already 15k long. An outline sort of dropped into my lap, fully-formed and shiny, a couple of months ago, so I’ll be using that as my guide.

My itemized list of things accomplished/not accomplished will be posted on Sunday, but until then I leave you with this picture of my cat, Napoleon. I like to think of him as my mascot in all things associated with lazy, and a welcome reminder that a little rest and relaxation in the midst of all our busy time.

Napoleon, the Little Corporal of All Things Lazy

ROW80: Settling in, and Random Photos of Ostriches

July 7, 2012 / Lena Corazon / 24 Comments

A preview of coming attractions.

Well, folks, we’re a week into Round 3 of ROW80! Given that the week was punctuated by an oddly placed holiday, hopefully you all got to enjoy a little extra relaxation and fun in addition to the day-to-day demands of life. And yes, you read that title right: there are random photos of ostriches in this post, though you’ll have to wade through my check-in to get to them. Enticing, eh?

My week started with a bit of a family health scare: my grandma was rushed to the hospital on Monday and ended up having to get a pacemaker. She is recovering well, thank goodness, but everyone was really worried for a few days. Beyond that, I am happy to report that almost all of my boxes are unpacked. Even better, almost all of my cherished belongings have a home. I’ll have to turn my room upside down again in a few days when I start my painting project, but once all is said and done I will post pictures of my new writing space. The walls will be transformed from the pale lavender that 11-year-old-me thought was the absolute height of sophistication, to a warm golden yellow that will hopefully brighten and warm my teeny tiny space.

Also awesome: the family cat, Napoleon, has decided to acknowledge my existence, unlike the time I came home 2 summers ago when he pretended that he didn’t know who I was. Once again, he curls up next to me in bed while I drink tea, write, and listen to classical music. My life is now complete. *squee*

Between unpacking and decorating I haven’t had a chance to really find my rhythm, but I’m working on it. Here’s a shakedown of Week 1:

Day Job: Today (Saturday) was the first chance to tackle what I have code-named PROJECT DISSERTATE OR DIE (yes, the caps are necessary, and yes, “dissertate” is totally a word). My focus for the next week or so is on the seminar paper that I owe my dissertation advisor by mid-month, so I’m doing lots of reading, note-taking, and brainstorming. This week’s goal: Finish (or almost finish) seminar paper by next Sunday’s check-in.

Writing: My other big endeavor for this round, PROJECT RECHARGE, is also coming along. I’ve taken time out for journaling sessions every day this week, and decided that a bit of soul work is in order. I have many thoughts and feelings on this matter, and perhaps once I distill them into something easily digestible and understandable, I’ll be able to write a blog post or two on the matter. This week’s goal: Add bits of free-writing (poetry, story snippets) into the journaling/brainstorming mix.

Social Media: 10 blogs visited, check! Twitter, Facebook, and queuing up blog posts is still on the to-do list. This week’s goal: Wade back into Triberr, get back into the ROW80 #teamsprinty madness, keep visiting blogs, maybe brainstorm potential blog posts?

Exercise: So… moving counts as exercise, right? ‘Cause I can’t count the number of boxes, odds and ends, and pieces of furniture that I helped my dad move. Aside from that, I got 1 “real” workout on the glider in. Now that I can’t roll out of bed and go for a walk (we live at the top of a really steep hill), I have to shift my workout plan a bit. This week’s goal: Aim for 4 days of exercise; get used to the idea of having to *drive* to a walking spot.

So, yay, progress! Be sure to stop by and wave to the other ROWers taking part in Round 3. And hey, just for fun, why don’t you have a few random pictures from my excursion to Ostrich Land? The world can always use more fuzzy animal pictures, even if ostriches are more odd-looking that squee-worthy and likely to snap off a hand if you’re not careful. Click on the photos to enlarge them.

Ahoy, Ostrich Land!

The obligatory Instagram’d ostrich photo.

The sign does not lie.

Ostrich feeding is dangerous work.

Baby ostriches: not as cute as baby sloths, but precious nonetheless.

ROW80: Picking Up Steam, and a New Tattoo

May 5, 2012 / Lena Corazon / 44 Comments

Good grief, I can’t believe it’s Sunday already. The last week sort of sped on by, and I feel like I’ve got whiplash. Also, can someone tell me exactly when May happened? Time seems to be hurtling past me.

All in all, it hasn’t been too terrible of a week. Here’s the shakedown:

Day Job: Not much work done by way of research this week, though I took a couple of hours today to take some reading notes and write up a summary of what I’ve learned thus far. I still need to meet with committee members (I’ve been dragging my feet on making appointments), so this is going to be my goal for the week.

Writing: Things are getting a little better here. I’ve logged at least 5 or 6 hours this week on brainstorming, outlining, and world-building. Better yet, I’ve written close to 5k. Not sure how much will survive my next round of edits, but the good news is that Part 1 of PATH TO THE PEACOCK THRONE is finally coming together. Progress is slow, but if I can make sure that it’s steady, I’ll feel a lot better about things.

Exercise: Shockingly enough, I managed to get 6 days of exercise in. Morning walks are becoming second nature, and way too enjoyable to ignore. There’s nothing like listening to a swelling chorus of birdsong and basking in the sunlight to start my day off right.

Social Media: It was another off week for social media. Not much by way to blog hopping, and only 1 post written outside of my ROW80 check-in. I’ve got a few drafts that need to be fixed up and finalized, so hopefully I can get those posted in the week to come.

And once again, here’s what I’m reading and watching this week:

Rufus Sewell as Aurelio Zen

Films: I’m halfway through the BBC Mystery series, Zen, based on the series of novels by Michael Dibdin. The absolutely dishy Rufus Sewell plays the title character, Venetian detective Aurelio Zen, who is one of the few men of integrity, honor, and honesty working in the corrupt Roman police department. Zen reminds me a lot of my detective protag in TELL ME NO LIES, so I’ve been watching Zen with both my writing and “I’m-going-to-veg-out-and-enjoy-this” hats on.

Books: I just finished Jessica Grey‘s novel, AWAKE, which is a modern-day YA retelling of the “Sleeping Beauty” fairy tale. I absolutely adored it, so if you like fairy tale adaptations with romance and magic and lore, I recommend it.

In other news, I got my first tattoo on Friday! It wasn’t nearly as bad as I had feared (I worked myself up into such a tizzy over the potential pain that I lost sleep for about 2 weeks), though there were definitely moments when I wondered exactly what sort of torture I signed up for. However, I am in love with the final product, and that’s all that counts. The tattoo is on my right arm — my writing arm — and will hopefully remind me of my duty to myself as a writer.

The quote, “Words have been all my life,” comes from POSSESSION by A.S. Byatt, one of my favorite books of all time. The original passage, part of a letter that the fictional 19th century poet Christabel LaMotte writes to fellow poet Randolph Henry Ash, is as follows:

…Words have been all my life, all my life — this need is like the Spider’s need who carries before her a huge Burden of Silk which she must spin out — the silk is her life, her home, her safety — her food and drink too — and if it is attacked or pulled down, why, what can she do but make more, spin afresh, design anew…

Like the fictional Christabel, I am, have always been, and always will be, compelled to write, to create, to spin out words and myths and tales. Writing is something that I must do in order to remain whole, in order to survive. That lesson is one that I learned the hard way during my 2 year bout with writer’s block, when I thought that I could walk away from fiction and submerge myself completely in the world of academia.

So yay for tattoos, and for a bit of writing progress! I’m looking forward to finally seeing The Avengers on Sunday afternoon — I feel like I’ve been waiting forever. I actually had an Avengers-themed dream the other night, where I was some sort of hybrid X-Men/Avengers superhero flying around and solving crime… before I turned back into academic me, taking a midterm of Foucault. My grad school friends have termed this the “supertheoro” (super-theory-hero), and I think that is going to be my new alter ego. 😀

Don’t forget to swing by and wish the rest of the merry band of ROWers well! How’s everyone else doing?

ROW80: We Are The Champions

March 21, 2012 / Lena Corazon / 40 Comments

First, a heads-up: I am doing my first guest post ever over at Nicole Basaraba’s blog. I’m chatting about the basics of the steampunk genre, so if you’ve ever been curious about the ins and outs of steampunk books, swing by and check it out.

-oOo-

All right, all right, I know — Queen’s “We Are The Champions” is such an over-done anthem theme these days that it almost verges on cliche and corny, but it is still such an awesome song. Better yet, it captures the sentiment that I have as we close out Round 1 of A Round of Words in 80 Days.

This is the end of my 3rd round of ROW80, and I’m more grateful than ever for participating. I’ve faltered on a few of my goals here and there. The bottom line, though, is that I have done more writing — and more learning about writing — in the last few months than ever before.

What Went Well:

TELL ME NO LIES isn’t finished, but I’ve made a lot of progress in plotting and rewriting the first 1/4 of the novel. The new characters and subplots that I have introduced are going to make the book a lot stronger, and give it more depth.
For the most part, I’ve managed to integrate exercise into my weekly routine. I’ve had a few slip-ups here and there, and I’m trying to learn how to exercise when I’m feeling stressed out, but I still count this as a win.
The day job still saps most of my energy, but I did manage to defend my MA thesis, which means I can sign my name “Lena Corazon, MA.” Squeee!
I’ve succeeded in being social during this round, which is a huge shock. I was such a loner last round that I thought I would really have to work at reminding myself to go out and see people, but apparently not. 😀

What I Can Work On:

Ugh, blogging on a regular basis still seems to elude me. I have to be in a specific mood and frame of mind to write blog posts, and I still haven’t learned to summon it on a whim. I’m hoping to try and build up a cache of posts over spring break, but… we’ll see how that goes. Next round, I may try to set aside 1 writing sprint each week to work on blog posts.
I’d like to make time for reading. After my delicious book binge over Winter break, I’ve been reading in dribs and drabs, and it makes me cranky.

Things to Eagerly Anticipate:

Finishing my last class ever, and moving closer to narrowing down a dissertation topic.
Enjoying my last few months in Santa Barbara, and prepping for the big move back up to my parents’ house in San Francisco.
That tattoo I mentioned during the last check-in? It’s one step closer to becoming reality. I snagged an appointment for May 4th (the only opening the artist had before July), so now I’m just busy counting down the days. For those of you who have asked, I am getting my inner right forearm tattooed with my favorite quote from POSSESSION by A.S. Byatt: “Words have been all my life.” It will be accompanied by a peacock feather quill, similar to the one below.

So rock on, ROW-ers! From what I’ve seen over the last 80 days, you are all doing an amazing job, even if you have experienced some rough patches here and there.

Because we’ve all worked so hard, wouldn’t you say that it’s time for a PARTY?

Our first ROCK THE ROW was simply epic (if you need a reminder, check out Jenny Hansen’s recap of the shenanigans and mayhem that occurred), but I think we can ratchet up the crazy even more for our next ROCKING celebration!

Image: digitalart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Barbara McDowell and I are taking on hosting duties from our glitterific predecessors, Jenny Hansen and Nicole Basaraba. Plans for further madness are afoot, but for the moment, mark APRIL 4, 2012 into your calendars. More details to come!

ROW80: Spring Break is (Almost) Here!

March 18, 2012 / Lena Corazon / 35 Comments

Happy Sunday, ROW-ing loves! I trust everyone is doing well?

After my big ol’ thesis win, I sort of unintentionally dropped off the radar. I went from prepping for the defense to prepping for a guest lecture the following week — my third of the quarter, and the first time ever that my advisor has seen me present (no pressure, right?). It went really well, and I even got a chance to show a short clip from Kate and Leopold — fitting for a lecture on “Love, Commitment and Ambivalence” in American films from the 1970s to the present-day.

Once all was said and done, I was a little exhausted. I’ve spent the last week and a half doing nothing but grading papers, playing Mass Effect, and streaming television shows on Netflix. So far I’ve learned that Downton Abbey really IS phenomenal, that Friday Night Lights is just as brilliant as all my friends promised, and that I should’ve been watching Supernatural since the day it premiered in 2005, because it was MADE for me. Supernatural is kinda like crack, and I can’t get enough; I watched the first season (21 episodes, folks) in under a week.

Dean (Jensen Ackles) and Sam (Jared Padalecki) are my new favorites. Image via Wikipedia

But it’s the end of the quarter, and once I finish grading term papers, spring break begins! Better yet, my mom is coming to visit me next weekend, and she’ll be here for a week. We will embark on our usual adventures of shopping, drinking, and eating out, along with a trip to see my sister and head to DISNEYLAND. [Insert major squee here]

Anywhoo, here’s a review of my goals from the last couple of weeks:

Day Job: I’m on track to have final grades finished by Monday or Tuesday at the latest. I’d like to do a little dissertation research/thinking/planning over spring break, but I’m not sure how realistic that goal is.

Writing: I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I won’t have a full draft of TELL ME NO LIES finished by the end of this round, which was my original goal. One of the hardest things about all of this is the fact that I am trying to learn how to write a novel, and that sort of thing takes time. I’m trying to push myself, to make sure that I am moving forward and not wandering in circles (I realized a couple of weeks ago that I’ve been rewriting the same 3 scenes over and over again — whoops). However, I’m also trying to be patient with myself and enjoy the process.

In the past week, I’ve taken time for (1) brainstorming and plotting, (2) research, and (3) character development. I’m really excited about #3, because I’ve finally taken advantage of the character profile pinboards in Scrivener.

Squee, so pretty! One of the best things that I can say is that I think I am achieving greater depth as far as this story is concerned. There are growing layers of complexity, and both my characters and the plot are getting more interesting (in my opinion, anyway).

Exercise: I actually fulfilled my exercise goal and used my glider 4 times this week. Yay!

Social Time: Last weekend was the department’s “recruitment weekend,” so I had way too much social time: dinners out and movie nights and a department beach bbq, among other events. I’ve been hiding out the past few days, and it has been lovely.

50/50 Challenge: Last weekend I saw John Carter (fun, and better than I expected), as well as Guy Ritchie’s RocknRolla, starring Gerard Butler, Tom Hardy, Thandie Newton, and a host of other amazing actors (abso-freaking-lutely awesome). I also read two books: Maggie Stiefvater’s Lament: The Faerie Queen’s Deception and Gabrielle Kimm’s His Last Duchess.

I have lots of fun things to look forward to this week, like the midnight showing of The Hunger Games. And I just might get myself a tattoo next week, ’cause my mom finally gave me the green light (!!!). My current idea is to have the phrase, “Words have been all my life” (from A.S. Byatt’s Possession) tattooed on my right forearm, with a peacock feather quill… but we’ll see what happens. I’ll keep you all posted. 😀

ROW80: Another One Bites the Dust

March 4, 2012 / Lena Corazon / 37 Comments

Well, folks, somehow I did it: on Thursday, I successfully defended my MA thesis, and received a “high pass” in the process.

Can you hear my squealing screams of delight?

I want to say a huge THANK YOU to everyone who has encouraged me through the long, lengthy process of writing and revising my thesis, and to everyone who told me that I would clear this hurdle in my grad school career. All of that encouragement has meant the world to me, and I think I walked into my defense all the stronger for it.

The experience itself was surprisingly pleasant. Really, it’s hard to go wrong when you have three really smart people who care about you and support you sit in one room and discuss the various implications of your work. They had so many wonderful things to say about my project, and a ton of ideas about what I can do with it in the future — a very, very good thing, since I only have a few months to churn out a dissertation proposal.

With this challenge completed, I feel like I can finally move forward. I’ve already made a reading list for the next month, and a list of research questions/concerns that I may want to address. This, really, is where I excel: wading through a vast world of research, mapping the scholarly and theoretical terrain, reading broadly and widely (something the committee commended me for doing) and pulling together various strands of thought in order to formulate my own theories.

I’ve learned so many things from this process, things like patience and dilligence. I’ve learned that it’s not the end of the world when projects change, and to follow my intuition, even if it contradicts all of my initial plans.

Even better, I’ve learned that I know more than I think I do. Really, it goes back to the goal I set for myself last week, to abandon self-doubt and tackle my goals with an increased sense of confidence. In the conversation that ensued during the defense, I let my knowledge flow, and it was a remarkable feeling, because I didn’t realize how many crazy facts I had stored in my head.

I have a lot to consider in the days and weeks to come, but I am looking forward to hopefully getting back to a less stressful state of mind. This last week was absolutely ridiculous — didn’t do any writing, barely worked out, ate lots of fast food — but I’m taking this weekend to rest up and recalibrate. I have watched lots of cartoons, taken naps, sat outside and stargazed, and just relaxed. It feels so darn good.

I am still on a Queen kick, as you can tell from this post’s title, which means I have to add a video clip. 😀

How’s everyone else holding up? Can you believe we’re already in the first week of March?

Don’t forget to swing by and visit the other ROW80 participants to see how they’re doing this week.

ROW80: Under Pressure

February 25, 2012 / Lena Corazon / 37 Comments

I was on top of the world when I checked in on Monday, and for good reason: I had enjoyed an absolutely fantastic weekend away, and I was buoyed up by all of the good vibes and happiness that had been sent my way. Everything was grand for a few days… and then around Wednesday, panic set in.

Source: Pinterest

Like so many of you, I have a vast to-do list of things that absolutely must get done, and what sucks is that my biggest priorities have nothing to do with writing. I have a conference paper proposal due next week, along with the oral defense for my thesis and the regular load of 60-70 papers to grade. Add on everything else that I’d rather be doing (writing flash fiction and blog posts, visiting everyone else’s blogs, working on my WIPs, tweeting, reading books, watching movies and eating Cheetoes), and I basically need, oh, an extra 24 hours in a day to accomplish everything.

The anxiety and panic are physically paralyzing, to the point where I end up with fierce migraines and nausea. I sit down to tackle something on the to-do list, and I get so overwhelmed at the thought of everything else that I should be doing that I can’t do anything at all.

The thing is, I know much of this is self-inflicted. I am capable of finishing everything that I have on my plate. As so many of you have pointed out, I’ve lived with this thesis long enough that I know it inside and out. A 5-10 minute presentation, and the conversation that will follow with my committee, really shouldn’t be challenging. The conference paper proposal is only a short abstract, again one that is based on the work that I’ve already been doing. And the blog posts and social media are fun, nothing that should be giving me heart palpitations and sweaty palms.

So much of my problems stem from self-doubt and fear — fear that I won’t be good enough, that I’ll crash and burn in a spectacular display of epic failure, that I’ll embarrass myself (and my advisor) with my sheer incompetence.

All of this has started me to thinking over the last few days, and the question that reoccurs in my mind is one that is startlingly simple, yet also challenging: How much would I get done if I just abandoned self-doubt? I’m not talking about embarking on projects armed with hubris and arrogance. Rather, I’m thinking about approaching all areas of my life with the confidence that I am equipped and prepared to tackle any challenges that come my way. In my heart of hearts, I feel like I know more than I give myself credit for, and those things that I don’t know can be learned.

Perhaps this is one of those overarching goals that I can try to adopt for the remainder of this round: Abandon self-doubt. It’s not something that can really be measured directly, unless we’re talking about potential decreases in panic attacks, but I’d like to strive towards it all the same.

Here’s the short list of what I did get done this week:

Writing: Not too much happened here. I have ideas that are demanding to be released, and I am dying to just sit down and allow them to run free. This will maybe-hopefully happen this weekend.

Day Job: Met with my advisor on Thursday and started hammering out the next year of my life, including the directed study I’ll be taking with her next quarter, a list of the grants and fellowships I plan to apply for this fall, and plans to work as her research assistant next school year. There was also chatter about co-writing an article based on my thesis, and brainstorming potential syllabi I’ll want to have under my belt when I hit the job market in a couple of years. Overwhelming, but exciting.

Exercise: I squeezed in 4 days this week, even though 3 of those days were 15 minute stints on the glider, rather than the 30 minutes that I usually do. But I figure it’s better for me to at least move a little instead of sit around for days at a time.

Social Time: Surprisingly, there is lots of this happening — an impromptu girls’ night out on Monday, a birthday celebration for a colleague Thursday night, and a mock bachelorette party on Saturday night (it’s for Science, people, a sociological study of whether or not one of my single friends can “pass” as an engaged woman — long story).

50/50 Challenge: I haven’t had a chance to do any reading, but I finally saw Midnight in Paris, and I am in LOVE. So many people told me to watch it, and I’m delighted that I finally got the chance. As someone who has always felt like I was born in the wrong era, the movie resonated with me, and made me miss Paris all the more. I highly recommend it.

For anyone else who is feeling ridiculously overwhelmed, I dedicate the following song. Turn up the volume and dance it out, ’cause there’s nothing like a little Queen and David Bowie to make the world a better place. 😀

Be sure to swing by and send warm fuzzies to all the other ROW80 participants!

Lena Corazon

Flights of Fancy