Lena Corazon

Flights of Fancy

Month: March 2014

ROW80: The Train Has Left The Station

March 19, 2014 / / 3 Comments

Hey there folks! I missed Sunday’s check-in because I was in the midst of a research trip (SUCH an awesome experience! More about it below), so I figured I’d post something today. Gotta keep working to stay accountable, right?

I know there’s only one more check-in left for this round, but right now I feel like I’m just gaining steam. Last week was a really good one in terms of stoking the creative fires and taking baby steps to integrate self-care into my life. I did a lot of thinking about TELL ME NO LIES, my steampunk murder mystery project, and realized that it’s not nearly as incomplete as I’ve been telling myself, and everyone else, for the last year. My mom and I did two days worth of Zumba classes, which means I’m starting to feel a little more fit and active. And I had the BEST RESEARCH TRIP EVER to the Sisters of the Holy Family’s archives.

The SHF motherhouse is located in Fremont, not too far from Mission San Jose, founded by Spanish missionaries in 1797. While the Sisters originally lived in San Francisco, they moved to Fremont in the late 1950s, and built their motherhouse on the property of Palmdale Estates, a historic property that dates back to the time of the California Gold Rush. The place is absolutely exquisite, and I got the chance to take a walk Sunday afternoon to clear my head before going back into the archives.

 

Motherhouse, Sisters of the Holy Family

Motherhouse, Sisters of the Holy Family

 

cottages

Two of the English Tudor-style manors on the property, built in the early 20th century.

 

ponds

A view of one of the ponds on the property.

I’ll be doing a couple more overnight stays this summer, and I’m really looking forward to it. In a lot of ways, I feel like this research trip (my first archival jaunt in almost a year) is exactly what I needed to get me back on track with my dissertation. Between the stresses of work and life and change and such, I’ve fallen into a real malaise when it comes to writing. It’s the usual–not feeling good enough, doubting every word, depending way too much on the delete key. But this past week I was also reminded of the glories of the zero draft, and how true passion for a topic can produce something that has crazy potential, despite inconsistencies and mistakes and huge gaping plot holes.

So I’m thinking of my dissertation as a zero draft, and reminding myself that there’s no pressure (right now, at least) to make it perfect. And hopefully that’ll help me lock my inner editor away, and liberate the creator in me, and I’ll actually get something done.

Here’s the week’s progress, in a little more detail:

Dissertation

  • Data Collection: Spent Saturday night and Sunday in the archives, read roughly 20 years worth of historical annals, and made some plans for how I want to start coding my data.
  • Dissertation Chapter: I didn’t read the 3 chapters I had planned to, but I managed to do a lot of thinking work. The new goal is to actually use my words this week. More specifically: Write 250 words each day, and GET THIS CHAPTER DONE.

Creative Writing

  • Poetry: I didn’t write anything new, but I did post an old poem in response to a really good prompt. Rereading my other old poetry reminded me that the only way I’ll be inspired to write poetry is to read it, and so I’m trying to add that to my reading repertoire. And I would like to write 2 poems in the next week, at least 1 haiku and maybe (if I’m inspired), something longer.
  • Novel: I’ve got a working outline of Chapter 14 of TMNL, so this week I’m going to finish the chapter. Woot!
  • Reading: I read THE IRON DUKE by Meljean Brooks, and ohhhhh mahhhh gawwwd. So. Friggin’. Hot. So dark and glorious and wonderful and on-the-edge-of-my-seat action, along with scorching love scenes. I think I will start doing book reviews in April, and I can’t wait to write this one. For next week, I’m going to start Gail Carriger’s Parasol Protectorate series. I picked up the box set, so that’ll keep me busy for  while.

My main goal for this week: to try a new system where I  complete 1 item on my to-do list in the mornings, and 1-2 on my list in the evenings. The trick is to not overwhelm myself with the fact that OMG I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING I AM SO BEHIND, which usually results in me reading celebrity gossip columns for hours and hating myself. Self-hate = bad; self-love = good, therefore I am going to aim for fewer gossip columns, and more gettin’ it done.

Whew! That was a lot. How’s the week progressing for everyone? East coasters, has spring reached you yet? I’m dreading the drought that is currently spreading through California, but… ugh, I’m kinda loving the summer-ish weather, especially when it gives me sunsets like this:

The oh-so-glorious Pacific Ocean.

The oh-so-glorious Pacific Ocean.

Don’t forget to wave a friendly hello and cheer on the rest of the ROWers. We’re just about to the end of Round 1!

Midweek Poetry: “Recalled to Life”

March 12, 2014 / / 3 Comments

Over on Poets on the Page, the wonderfully creative Morgan Dragonwillow posted a prompt that caught my fancy. The theme is “Wild Self,” and includes a passage from one of my favorite books, WOMEN WHO RUN WITH THE WOLVES, by Clarissa Pinkola Estes:

“The doors to the world of the wild Self are few but precious. If you have a deep scar, that is a door, if you have an old, old story, that is a door. If you love the sky and the water so much you almost cannot bear it, that is a door. If you yearn for a deeper life, a full life, a sane life, that is a door.”

The poem I’m sharing today is an old one, written in 2012 after I first read WOMEN WHO RUN WITH THE WOLVES and was learning to listen with my wild Self. Given how the chaos in my life has overwhelmed and choked off my creative output, the central message continues to resonate.

white door

white door (Photo credit: lamont_cranston)

“Recalled to Life”

 

I.
a wild woman beats at my door
(connect, she says)
i ignore the call
    too busy too rational too damned busy to listen
       theory beckons
       there's a thesis to write
       nothing left over for her.

(come to me, she cries)
i refuse
    too much grading too many emails too much reading to give in
       academia devours and when it doesn't
       friends need healing
          happy hour therapy sessions
       nothing left over for her.

II. 
a wild woman wails at my door
(do you know what you have become?)
i bury myself in objectivity
    waste away shrivel up bones dry as dust
       all the water in the world can't save me
       nothing left over for her, nothing left for anyone.

(listen to me!
    hear me!)
i am hollow
    no defenses no barriers no strength to resist
       the empty dark is all i know
       a sightless soul my only companion.

III.
a wild woman breaks down my door
(i have never been polite)
i cannot turn away
    she surrounds me overpowers me illuminates every shadow with light
       no longer the socially awkward academic
       a lividly beautiful goddess is all that remains

(look at what you really are!)
for once i see
    the reflection is true:
       winds and water at my command, elemental fury
       creation and order birthed from inhuman acts of chaos
       pen wielded as scepter and sword, rod and staff.

(remember this, she whispers)
i listen.
i follow.
i write.

—

This is a blog hop! Click the link below to view the other participants in this month’s poetry challenge.

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ROW80: The Power Of The Force

March 9, 2014 / / 8 Comments

Happy Sunday, friends! As you can see, I’m all about the power of the Force this weekend. My friends and I are going to see the Star Wars exhibit at the San Jose Tech Museum in a couple of weeks, so I’m fixing a few holes in my nerd cred and finally watching the original 3 films. Not sure why it took so long for me to get around to doing this, but I’m glad it’s finally happening!

This week I had the chance to hit up the California Academy of Sciences‘ weekly 21+up event, “Nightlife,” for the first time in a couple of months. Nightlife is the only event in the San Francisco Bay Area with music, creatures, cocktails, and science–definitely my idea of the perfect night out. As always, the creatures were out in full force, with butterflies flitting about the rainforest…

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…tropical fish floating about in their tank…

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…a brightly colored lizard, who left his perch to peer a bit more closely at me…

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…a sleepy frog…

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…and some very industrious leafcutter ants.

IMG 6234 from Lena Corazon on Vimeo.

 

I’m feeling a bit like those ants right now: running to and fro, sometimes in the wrong direction, with a giant leaf that’s several times larger than my body weight on my shoulder. I’d like to think that I’m getting things done (honestly, just checking in feels like a huge accomplishment, so I am going to congratulate myself and tell myself that it is), but some days the things I finish hardly seem proportional to the things left languishing on my to-do list.

But Rome wasn’t built in a day, right? I just purchased a handy weekly planner in the hopes that having something tangible will make it easier to schedule the few free hours that I have each day. It’ll arrive eventually; in the meantime, I’m trying to check in with myself every couple of days, if not daily.

Progress, hey-o!

Dissertation:

  • Dissertation Chapter: I’m iiiinching my way along with this chapter. I printed the current draft (9 pages long, lots of gibberish), and I’ve got some notes on how to refine the outline. I also bought a copy of sociologist Patricia Wittberg’s book FROM PIETY TO PROFESSIONALISM–AND BACK?: TRANSFORMATIONS OF ORGANIZED RELIGIOUS VIRTUOSITY. While it’s a study of current Catholic women religious (unlike my historical study), she utilizes the sociology of organizations and institutional logics, the perspective I’m attempting to apply to my project. I read sixty pages this week; the goal for next week is to read another three chapters. 
  • Dissertation Data: I haven’t gotten around to looking at all the data I’ve collected, but I’ll be in the archive next weekend doing a bit more collecting. To prepare, this week  I’ll be reading up on the overall history of the religious order, the Sisters of the Holy Family. Cool story: they were the only religious order to be founded in the US, west of the Mississippi River.

Creative Writing:

  • Writing: Nothing new in terms of fiction or poetry. I’m halfway through Chapter 14 of TELL ME NO LIES, and I’ve been trying to fix the outline. I’m merging multiple drafts into one, and I still can’t decide what I want to keep and what needs to be discarded. This week, I’d like to have a chapter outline complete.
  • Reading: I finished ALL THE PATHS OF SHADOW by Frank Tuttle, and ohhhhh. Can we talk about a book that just left me devastated when I was done? Not because of some horribly sad ending, but because it was lovely, and wonderful, and it made me feel. The novel is fantasy with steampunk touches, and gave me lots to think about in terms of the fantasy/steampunk hybrid novel I worked on for NaNoWriMo 2012. This week I’ll read CHASING THE STAR GARDEN by Melanie Karsak.

So that’s me this week! Be sure to wave a friendly hello to all the other ROWers participating this week.

As a fun aside, and in keeping with the Star Wars theme, I leave you with the greatest comedy sketch of all time: Eddie Izzard’s “Death Star Canteen” sketch from his stand-up show, Circle (2000). Some brilliant person with way too much time on their hands rendered the entire thing in Lego, and it is glorious. Warnings for strong language (multiple f-bombs, etc.). Oh, and don’t eat or drink anything while watching. 😛

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ROW80: Back In The Saddle

March 2, 2014 / / 11 Comments

It’s been a long, long, long time since I’ve written a blog post–about 3.5 months, to be exact. The last year has been a wild, wacky, weird, intense one, without much room or space for writing, blogging, or doing anything beyond the day-to-day. But now that I’ve stopped having nightmares about the day job, and given that I’m finally in the process of creating some routine in my life, I feel like it’s finally time to get back in the saddle.

So here I am! I’ve missed the ROW80 community while I’ve been away, and I’m looking forward to seeing what everyone has been up to.

Yesterday I headed to San Francisco’s Old Mint, where all the gold was stored in the days before Fort Knox. The occasion: the Fourth Annual SF History Expo. Talk about a history lover’s paradise! There were dozens of organizations represented, like the California Historical Society (based in SF, with archives that are free and open to the public), the GLBT Historical Society, and tons of neighborhood-based historical orgs, which were some of my favorites.

San Francisco Old Mint

San Francisco Old Mint (Photo credit: www78)

I signed up for way too many email lists, found a ton of events that I’m dying to attend in the next few months (the best: a sea chantey sing-along event held aboard a historical ship), and gained a ton of momentum to continue work on my dissertation and my steampunk novel. After all, they’re both based on San Francisco history. Maybe one day I’ll have a booth of my own at one of these events. 😀

With that, here are my goals for the rest of Round 1:

Dissertation:

  • Complete one chapter of my dissertation by the end of Round 1.
  • Create a working inventory of data sources.
  • Hammer out a coding scheme for data sources.

 

Creative Writing:

  • Write five new chapters of TELL ME NO LIES.
  • Write five poems.
  • Read four novels.

And that’s it. Short, sweet, and hopefully attainable. I’m aiming to check in for ROW80 once a week, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll start writing non-ROW80 posts as well.

So yay! With that, I’m off to check in with the rest of this week’s ROW80 participants.

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