I didn’t expect to write an entry for the 3rd and last challenge for the Writers’ Platform-Building Campaign, but the muse struck me unexpectedly. Here are the parameters for this challenge:
Write a blog post in 300 words or less, excluding the title. The post can be in any format, whether flash fiction, non-fiction, humorous blog musings, poem, etc. The blog post should show:
- that it’s morning,
- that a man or a woman (or both) is at the beach
- that the MC (main character) is bored
- that something stinks behind where he/she is sitting
- that something surprising happens.
Just for fun, see if you can involve all five senses AND include these random words: “synbatec,” “wastopaneer,” and “tacise.” (NB. these words are completely made up and are not intended to have any meaning other than the one you give them).
I think I captured all 5 senses, and I’ve done my best to show, rather than tell. I’ve also added all three made-up words, which was tons of fun. The final piece is exactly 30 words long.
Anyway, enjoy! I had a lot of fun writing this. Also, please check out the other wonderful entries for the challenge, and leave the participants lots of feedback and warm fuzzies.
-oOo-
“A Time to Live”
Gravel crunched beneath Bryna’s booted feet, tiny black pebbles that gleamed in the rays of the rising sun. It was peaceful there by the sea, the waves lapping at the rocky shore, the gulls squawking with cacophonous glee. Such delights were lost on Bryna, for ennui weighed heavily on her mind. She fingered the tacise sheathed at her waist, the metal cool to the touch. There was a time when the thought of sinking its sharp tip into her enemy’s chest would have brought her unspeakable pleasure, but that had passed with the defeat of the Wastopaneer and the advent of the Synbatec’s peace. Heaving a sigh, she dropped onto a stay piece of driftwood, shoulders slumping forward.
“I never thought to see you like this, Commander.”Bryna scrambled to her feet, face flushed and hot. Sebastian stood before her, crossbow gripped in one hand. “‘Tis not a criticism,” he added. “You’re only human, rumors to the contrary. You’re allowed to relax.”
The intensity of his blue eyes made her stomach clench unexpectedly. She swallowed hard but asked instead, “What are you doing here?”
“Thought I’d do a bit of hunting.” He frowned, nostrils flaring wide. “Seems someone’s left their kill out to rot.” Without warning, he took her by the hand — an unthinkable gesture between a lieutenant and his superior — and tugged her away. “There now,” he murmured as the breeze carried away the fell stench. “Isn’t that better?”
“Lieutenant –”
“The name’s Sebastian,” he corrected, tugging her close.
“I hardly think this is appropriate –”
“The war’s over, Bryna. Our unit’s been disbanded.” He brushed two fingers over her cheek, sending a shiver down her spine. “It’s time for you to live.”
The taste of his lips, spiced and delicious, drove all arguments from her mind.
October 24, 2011 at 9:01 pm
Very cool Lena!
Great job. I love the waves lapping at the rocky shore and the gulls squawking with cacophonous glee. Oh and the taste of his lips, spiced and delicious, of course! Yummy.
October 24, 2011 at 9:14 pm
Karen, thank you so much for reading! It means a lot to me. 😀
I couldn’t resist adding a tasty (pun definitely intended) guy in this. Now I’m dying to explore their relationship — the unfortunate downside of working on flash fiction that has nothing to do with my main WIPs, lol.
October 24, 2011 at 9:08 pm
Wow I love it!! I really wish I knew more of the story!! Voting for you and following along 🙂
This entry sounds like an awesome beginning (or ending) to a great story!!
I’m entry #5
October 24, 2011 at 9:14 pm
Jess, thank you so much! I had a blast writing this. 😀
I’ll definitely check out your entry as well!
October 24, 2011 at 9:40 pm
Love this! Great job of working it all in there. There’s a double “to” in the header ;-). I love your use of the made-up words too. I had no trouble telling what they were. Well done 🙂
October 24, 2011 at 9:49 pm
I had so much fun coming up with definitions for the made-up words, so I’m very glad to hear that you found that they worked. 😀
Thank you so much for the feedback, Melinda, and thanks for point out the double ‘to’. Just corrected it!
October 25, 2011 at 8:43 am
Lena – Love this story! I don’t know what your WIP progress is (just found you on G+ this morning) but you should definitely plan on giving Commander Bryna her place in line for future projects. Not too far back – she doesn’t seem like a woman who like to be kept waiting.
October 25, 2011 at 7:09 pm
Carolyn, thank you so very much for stopping by! I didn’t plan this being more than a silly one-shot, but I think I’m sort of in love with Bryna. The wheels in my head are already turning for an extended tale for her. 😀
October 25, 2011 at 8:50 am
Now that was a saucy entry! Very good romance piece. 🙂
October 25, 2011 at 7:10 pm
David, thanks so much! Adding a bit of fluff was a nice shift from the scary stuff I’ve been writing. 🙂
October 25, 2011 at 8:59 am
Wow, beautifully written! Good job with the words! One of the best pieces that I’ve read! ; )
October 25, 2011 at 7:10 pm
Sheri, that’s such a compliment — I’ve seen so many fantastic challenge pieces. Thanks a lot of stopping by and reading!
October 25, 2011 at 11:49 am
Hey! Guess what?! You’re moving on to the next round in the judging process. 🙂 Congrats!
🙂 Margo
October 25, 2011 at 7:10 pm
Whoo-hoo! Thanks for the great news, Margo. 😀
October 25, 2011 at 1:35 pm
Aww, that’s sooo romantic – and he’s not even a demon. Is he?
October 27, 2011 at 8:27 am
Thanks, Sarah! Nope, no demon here — just a flesh-and-blood mortal guy who is (in my head, anyway) about as devastatingly handsome as a demon. 😉
October 25, 2011 at 11:15 pm
Very nice! I like how you ended with a new beginning.
Mine is #25.
October 27, 2011 at 8:27 am
Thanks so much, Jen! Off to check yours out now… 🙂
October 26, 2011 at 12:49 pm
Very nicely done! mine is #56
October 27, 2011 at 8:41 am
Thanks for stopping by and reading my piece, Bridget. I’ll definitely check yours out as well. 😀
October 26, 2011 at 10:42 pm
I agree with Carolyn that Commander Bryna needs more of her story told! I really like your post.
October 27, 2011 at 8:41 am
Marcy, thank you! It’s so funny — Bryna just sort of came to me unexpectedly, but I think she just might end up taking over my creative processes a bit. 😉 I’m so glad you enjoyed reading about her.
October 27, 2011 at 6:48 am
Awesome piece of romance and rather unexpected twist after Bryna’s “thought of sinking its sharp tip into her enemy’s chest”! I love how easily you transported my mind into that beach. I could hear “the waves lapping at the rocky shore, the gulls squawking with cacophonous glee”. Ahhhh, wonderful. You’ve got my vote, dear.
October 27, 2011 at 8:43 am
Yes, Bryna’s a bit of a bloodthirsty one, isn’t she? I imagine that, for her, a life without constant battle and bloodshed is a bit frightening to contemplate. And I’m so glad to see that I succeeded with ‘showing’ the beach. That seagull bit might be my favorite part. 😉
October 28, 2011 at 2:25 pm
I like that it’s a pebble beach instead of a sandy one. I always liked the pebble beaches better myself–and the rest of the good aspects to the story have pretty well been covered by the other comments.
November 3, 2011 at 10:24 pm
Aren’t pebble beaches wonderful? Not so good for wandering about barefoot, I suppose, since the stones can be sort of murderous on your feet, but I find them quite lovely to look at.
Thanks for commenting, David!
October 28, 2011 at 3:25 pm
“The war’s over, _____. Our unit’s been disbanded. It’s time for you to live.” I’m so gonna try this line!
November 3, 2011 at 10:24 pm
Oh man, I think that this line is one of my favorites ever. Thanks so much for reading, Jon. 😀
October 29, 2011 at 7:32 pm
You bet Bryan is gonna disband his unit. Sexy stuff.
November 3, 2011 at 10:25 pm
Thanks, Holly!
February 3, 2012 at 1:30 pm
The war’s over, _____. Our unit’s been disbanded. It’s time for you to live.” I’m so gonna try this line!