The first challenge for the Writers’ Platform Building Campaign has been issued, and it comes in the form of a 200 word flash fiction. These are the exact directions:
Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, “The door swung open” These four words will be included in the word count.
If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), use the same beginning words and end with the words: “the door swung shut.” (also included in the word count)
For those who want an even greater challenge, make your story 200 words EXACTLY!
I went ahead and took the extra challenges in the prompt, just for the fun of it. 😀 This little drabble is a bit different from my usual fare, but it popped into my head when Lady Antebellum’s “Need You Now” came on the radio this evening. The story doesn’t 100% mirror the song, but it is inspired by the broken-hearted, hopeless vibe of the lyrics. Here’s the song, for anyone who hasn’t heard it:
The rest of the entries can be found here. Looks like I’m #231 on the list, so there’s lots of great flash fiction to read through. Keep in mind, however, that only Campaign participants can vote for their favorite stories.
-oOo-
“Broken Promises”
The door swung open on rusty hinges, grating loudly in the predawn stillness. Leila scowled, for it was yet another mocking reminder that Bill Harrison was the worst of liars.
Their house, a tiny fixer-upper that the realtor claimed was “a diamond in the rough,” enthralled him for a time, the same way Leila had once delighted him. Standing there on the front step, Leila could still hear his voice, echoes from a golden summer afternoon.
“Ignore those weeds in the front yard, baby. We’ll pull ‘em up, plant some roses. It’ll be a real home.” As though to seal the promise, he’d kissed her shamelessly, right in front of the realtor.
Three years later, the memory of that kiss tingled her lips, but the yard was still filled with weeds, withered and brown. Those dreams they had cherished were gone, and so was Bill.
He might have cared for her once, but there were things he’d loved more. Whiskey was one, gambling another, twin demons that stole him from her side.
The house gaped before her, an empty shell, but there was nowhere else for her to go. Leila entered, and with another screech, the door swung shut.
September 7, 2011 at 1:36 am
So sad. Broken promises and lost dreams 🙁
September 7, 2011 at 2:03 pm
I know! I don’t usually write mopey things like this, but I’m glad to see that it was effective.
September 7, 2011 at 2:07 am
Isn’t it wondrous, this power of time an author can wield, able to quickly cause a shift in the mood of the story. My first entry into this was the cacophonous sound of the rusty hinge of the door, it shaped the scene until suddenly, in the passing of the 3 years, the same scene had changed from a mangy yellowish-brown to a nostalgic– well, I rather not tell you what color it is I see for nostalgia.
But it was an effective shift, indeedio!
September 7, 2011 at 2:04 pm
Thanks so much! When I write flash fic, especially this short, I usually try to capture a single moment, as opposed to sort of leaping through time like this. So happy to hear that my attempt worked out!
September 8, 2011 at 1:57 pm
Well it’s phenomenal that you can make a single moment last for 3years 🙂
September 7, 2011 at 3:21 am
This was SO good! What a great way to show her heartbreak, using the house as a mirror. Really well done!
September 9, 2011 at 8:13 pm
Isis, thanks so much for stopping by. I admit, I wasn’t too certain how this would turn out, but I am so happy to see that my intentions came through.
September 7, 2011 at 4:46 am
A well-crafted piece ! The shifting mood is in-sync with the shifting time-frame ! 🙂
My entry is no.#59
September 10, 2011 at 7:45 pm
Thanks a lot for the feedback! I’ll definitely check yours out. 😀
September 7, 2011 at 5:20 am
This is really good. Sad and true. How even smallest and simplest thing like the weeds can trigger a memory.
September 9, 2011 at 8:14 pm
I do find memories really intriguing — a single scent, sound, or sight can set things off, and take us spiraling down another path. Thanks so much for reading and commenting!
September 7, 2011 at 5:23 am
I love the sense of the narrator’s sadness and loss that permeates the story. Sad, but in a beautiful way. Nicely done! 🙂
September 9, 2011 at 8:15 pm
Thanks, Crystal! I was a little surprised at how hard the overall tone of heartbreak caught me when I heard that song, so I’m glad to see that I managed to translate it into text.
September 7, 2011 at 6:10 am
a beautiful and effective broken hearted betrayel.
September 9, 2011 at 8:16 pm
Thanks so much, Joanna!
September 7, 2011 at 6:30 am
That’s beautiful. I can really picture everything going on in the scene and it flows really well. Wonderful job!
(I’m entry #236)
September 9, 2011 at 8:16 pm
Thanks, Jessica! I’ll definitely check your entry out. 😀
September 7, 2011 at 6:52 am
Wow. Great little bit. I love the way you used the setting to mirror the internal emotions of the character.
Waving back!
Ian
September 9, 2011 at 8:17 pm
Thanks a lot, Ian. It can get tricky, trying to weave symbolism in like that, so I am happy to see that I’ve succeeded. 😀
September 7, 2011 at 7:30 am
Jamila~
This is really great! Such feeling housed within a trip out to the front porch and back. I like the ‘twin demons that…’ – great line. I just had to stop by to gush – Thanks! – for your comments at my page 🙂 You write beautifully, so your opinion means a great deal to me.
Have fun reading all the challenge entries! I’m still reading through – but each day the list grows longer and longer! I seem to stay about one-hundred entries behind….lol. I’m off to write a 45 minute burst, beta a chapter, and then read 10 entries. Hope you are having a great week, Jamila! ~ Nadja
September 9, 2011 at 8:18 pm
Oh gosh, I was really proud of that “twin demons” line. It came to me just as I was wrapping up edits. Thanks for pointing it out!
September 7, 2011 at 7:30 am
Nice work! Good descriptions in this short-short.
Songs can be nice writing prompts, even if it’s just the mood that the song puts you in which inspires your writing.
September 9, 2011 at 8:19 pm
Thanks so much, Michael! Music tends to move my muse, so whenever I find a song that seems appropriate to the them that I’ve got in mind, I latch onto it and blare it on repeat until I’ve got the scene wrapped up.
I appreciate the feedback!
September 7, 2011 at 7:35 am
Great job! This was very intense and heart felt 🙂
September 9, 2011 at 8:19 pm
Thanks so much, my dear!
September 7, 2011 at 8:04 am
You evoked great emotions through this. Love how the house mirrored everything – her feelings, him, their life.
September 9, 2011 at 8:20 pm
I really appreciate the comment, Tara. Thanks for stopping by!
September 7, 2011 at 8:06 am
This is great. Lots of emotion and imagery and history in this small piece.
September 9, 2011 at 8:22 pm
Thanks so much! It’s so funny — whenever I start a flash fiction piece, I’m always lamenting how much I can’t fit. And yet somewhere along the way, I find ways to convey images and emotion in only a few words, and I end up with this bitty tale. It’s a really amazing process. 😀
September 7, 2011 at 8:42 am
This was great. I really felt her loss. I love this song AND love using music for inspiration.
September 9, 2011 at 8:23 pm
Yay, someone else who also likes to use music for inspiration! I’m a little nutty when it comes to building the perfect soundtracks for my characters, their relationships, and my WIPs as a whole. It’s kind of obsessive, but I like having “theme music” to write to. 😀
September 11, 2011 at 8:08 pm
Going to have to respond here because I also use theme music for my characters and stories–4 hour playlist for Lost Girls’ Society currently–and I’m going to forget the rest of what I wanted to say if I finish reading the comments first.
Everyone seems to have already covered my thoughts on your beautiful story, so I just wanted to add kudos for your choice of inspirational music. I love that song, and especially love that neither of them are really happy with the separation in the song. The part about the drinking in particular hit home with me in a way that made me think I had to have the song.
September 11, 2011 at 9:34 pm
I’ve been thinking about writing a post on music playlists — glad to see that I’m not the only one who’s a little addicted with making them! Seriously, “I Need You Now” is one of those songs that I sort of dismissed until I sat down one day and actually *listened* to the lyrics. They hit me really hard for some reason, and every time I hear the song it makes me feel sad (but in a good way, if that makes sense).
September 7, 2011 at 12:51 pm
Holy cow! Minus the gambling and whiskey, you’ve described my current situation pretty close. New home with lots to fix up. And here I am, blogging. I better paint something…
Great work! 🙂
September 9, 2011 at 8:23 pm
Ouch, David, I feel your pain. When my family and I moved into our current house, the term “diamond in the rough” felt like the understatement of the year. Good luck getting everything taken care of!
September 7, 2011 at 1:15 pm
I love your use of the setting to mirror the character’s emotions. You made every word count. Great piece!
September 9, 2011 at 8:24 pm
Thanks so much, Raelyn! I was a little unsure of this piece (I don’t usually write sad, mopey things like this), so the reassurance is wonderful to hear.
September 7, 2011 at 1:47 pm
Jamila, this is a beautiful yet sad tale. The imagery is quite vivid, the emotions captivating, I really loved it; it shows great skill and artistry. 🙂
September 9, 2011 at 8:24 pm
Thanks so much, Oz! I quite admire your writing, so your feedback means a lot. 😀
September 11, 2011 at 1:53 am
Aww Jamila that is such a sweet thing to say -thank you 🙂 -You are very welcome.
September 7, 2011 at 3:18 pm
Get to weeding, woman. At least you got the house 🙂
Wonderful voice and a sad story. I love your sensory descriptions – it was easy for me to imagine standing right there with Leila.
Thanks for visiting my blog and commenting on my entry. I’m #76 🙂
September 9, 2011 at 8:28 pm
Hahaha! Yup, you’re totally right — hopefully she gets over him and starts to look at the bright side of life.
Thanks for the lovely feedback, Angela!
September 7, 2011 at 3:58 pm
Very bittersweet- I hope she makes it a home for herself.
September 9, 2011 at 8:28 pm
Same here, Alica. I think if I ever expanded the piece, that’s exactly what she’d do.
September 7, 2011 at 7:10 pm
this is so bittersweet and evocative. well done. (I’m entry 223)
September 9, 2011 at 8:29 pm
Thanks for stopping by, Jana! I’ll be sure to check out your entry. 😀
September 7, 2011 at 9:07 pm
I loved it Jamila. It was a beautiful piece despite the sadness.
September 9, 2011 at 8:31 pm
Thanks so much, Jody!
September 7, 2011 at 10:45 pm
I love this song and the whole CD for that matter. Nice story. Mine is #72
September 9, 2011 at 8:32 pm
I am completely addicted to the song, and I’ve been meaning to get the album, too, ’cause I love their vibe. I’ll be sure to check out your entry!
September 8, 2011 at 4:05 am
Quite visual and true to life. Makes me a little sad. A lot said in so few words.
September 9, 2011 at 8:33 pm
Thanks so much, Totsy! I have to admit, I can’t read it over too often, ’cause it makes me a little sad as well.
September 8, 2011 at 7:29 am
Very well done. Great writing and nicely evocative.
September 9, 2011 at 8:33 pm
Thanks, Sarah!
September 8, 2011 at 1:29 pm
Heartbreakingly beautiful. The images are so strong in this piece. Good job! It’s getting my vote.
September 9, 2011 at 8:34 pm
Thank you! I really love your work, so that means a lot to me. 😀
September 10, 2011 at 8:00 pm
That means a lot to me too, thank you!
September 8, 2011 at 9:22 pm
I felt her sadness. Great job!
September 9, 2011 at 8:35 pm
Thanks, Katie!
September 9, 2011 at 6:22 pm
Congratulations – you’ve been shortlisted in the first round of judging, so you’ve made it through to Round 2 of 4!
September 9, 2011 at 6:23 pm
okay, WordPress really pisses me off with that pre-filled nonsense. that comment above was from me. lol
September 9, 2011 at 8:35 pm
No worries at all. And thanks for passing along the great news — I’m honored!
September 9, 2011 at 6:47 pm
It truly is amazing that an entire story can be told in 200 words. Great job!
September 9, 2011 at 8:36 pm
I’m always amazed when I manage to finish a flash piece — it’s the satisfied sort of feeling I have when I manage to stuff everything I want into a suitcase before a long trip. :p
Thanks for stopping by!
September 11, 2011 at 11:26 am
I’d be angry and disappointed too after being on my own and worse with a major project still untouched. Clearly, the poor woman has not had the energy to do a thing with it.
September 11, 2011 at 9:31 pm
I feel a little bad for Leila — she seems to be so broken-hearted that she can’t move forward. Like you said, she’s definitely zapped of any energy that she would need to fix things up herself.
Thanks for reading!
September 11, 2011 at 12:40 pm
Wow. The sadness of dashed dreams really affected me. Well done!
September 11, 2011 at 9:29 pm
Thanks so much, Tia!
September 11, 2011 at 1:54 pm
I’m kinda feeling a bit for Leila and those broken promises. Great Job. 🙂
September 11, 2011 at 5:44 pm
Aww, thank you! It’s good to know that I was able to evoke an emotional response with this piece. 🙂
September 11, 2011 at 4:34 pm
Lost dreams and empty promises – this was a lovely little piece.
September 11, 2011 at 6:25 pm
Thanks for dropping by, Sonia! Appreciate the feedback. 😀
September 13, 2011 at 3:29 pm
Oh I loved it! I could feel the sadness and frustration with those broken dreams. Lovely work.
September 15, 2011 at 2:24 am
Thanks so much, Crystal!
September 13, 2011 at 7:08 pm
Ooh, so good! It’s a sad story that, unfortunately, a lot of women can probably relate to in some fashion. Excellent job with so few words. 😀
September 15, 2011 at 2:25 am
I know what you mean — heartbreak and abandonment are far too common experiences for many women. Thanks so much for reading and commenting. 😀
September 13, 2011 at 8:23 pm
How sad! I’m sure so many people can relate to this story. It certainly doesn’t hurt that it conjures so much intense emotion.
Well done!
September 15, 2011 at 2:25 am
So happy to hear that you enjoyed it. Thanks for stopping by!
September 14, 2011 at 12:52 pm
‘….enthralled him for a time, the same way Leila had once delighted him’
Great line!
Stobby
September 15, 2011 at 2:26 am
That was one of my favorites, Stobby. Thanks for dropping by. 😀
September 25, 2011 at 3:28 pm
Congratulations! Your flash piece won a prize – an ecopy of one of my novels (Woman of Honor, Knight of Glory, or Champion of Valor). Email me at Nicole.Zoltack@gmail.com and I’ll hook you up with your prize! Congrats again!